The Misadventures of Death Bug and Lynn
by Whozawhatcha
Summary: Death Bug came to this planet to bolster Prime's crew, not babysit some human! She was doing her best to keep her car, but Death Bug conspired to get away from the human he was saddled down with. Unfortunately, she might be getting under his skin... but he'd never tell her that. Lots of fun and bad situations, not to mention some awkward situations...


**Author's Note:**

**Hello! ^.^**

So this is a little something me and one of my real life friends made up one day! We'll call this real life friend Marty for lack of anything imaginative on my part. I'm currently getting Marty hooked on TFP, the universe this little tale is set in. It's just a fun little narrative I'm doing in my spare time because it makes me giggle a whole lot. I fell in love with the characters Marty came up with, and I couldn't resist writing about them, since they're basically a bag of laughs because NO ONE gets along. :D Best kind of story, eh?

I'd say this is mostly going to be a comedy-like story, but you know I won't be able to resist throwing some feels in there sometimes. I love me some feels. I mean, the title is basically the summary of these drabbles. (Though, I guess technically they aren't drabbles since I'm not limiting my word count.) I'll be updating generally at random whenever I get a chapter done.

Death Bug's voice is best read in a big black man's ghetto voice; I generally listen to some good ol' _California Love_ by Tupac to capture his personality. Death Bug's alt mode is a Red Beetle Volkswagon.  
He has some reference art to come, but just think of him as this big tough guy built like a body builder who's an incredibly short Cybertronian minibot. (He's literally probably only a foot taller than Arcee.) He takes up a lot of space because he's in denial about his size. ^-^

Lynn's screaming is best heard a la Jane from Tarzan style, only less British and more American.

* * *

A shrill beeping slowly but surely pulled him from stasis. With an annoyed groan, blue optics slitted open at the emergency light. That was the impact beacon, wasn't it?

Impact?

Death Bug's optics flared open as he suddenly realized exactly where he was. Bolting upright in the escape pod, Death Bug realized that impact to the planet's surface was literally only seconds away, and in frustration, wondered how the hell he had slept through that alarm before bracing himself as well as he could.

Ground zero hit like a tank, and the first thing that happened was a jarring bounce. Death Bug's back slammed against the wall as the pod tumbled, and crashed to the ground again. His jaw cracked together and he felt his articulators begin to bleed. The dented pod rattled around him as it tore into the planet's surface, and just when he was starting to slow, Death Bug literally felt the pod roll off the edge of, presumably, a cliff.

His spark hit his throat at the feeling of weightlessness, and then, the walls of the pod screeched and rent apart as a sudden, jarring impact jolted him to a stop. Groaning at the abuse his body had put up with, Death Bug lifted his helm and his optics widened to stare in horror.

The pod was impaled on a spike. No, not a spike, but rather a stone formation that was in a rather sharpened position. It had broken through the bottom of the pod and out the top, smack between Death Bug's spread knees. Carefully, Death Bug vented slowly and unfastened his restraints.

Scooting around the rock spike, Death Bug frowned and whacked at the electronic screen that was glitching. Great. Now he had no idea where he was at, what planet he was on, Pit, even what sector he was in, and on top of that, if there were hostiles.

Grunting and kicking the door to the pod open, Death Bug glanced down. Not too far a drop. He jumped out, and glancing back at the ruined pod sitting impaled on the rock formation, he scowled. Somehow, someway, Primus saw it fit that his escape pod should impale upon the only pointy rock in the area.

Huffing and beginning to track outwards, he kept his servo on his gun, keeping his itchy trigger finger still. Lots of indigenous life. ORGANIC indigenous life. Death Bug groaned internally, hearing birds chirping and things scattering underfoot. This was just great. Next thing you knew, something was going to be nesting in his armor.

He didn't walk long when he saw a pleasant sight—Cybertronians!

Death Bug grinned and he holstered his gun, walking up to the cars parked variously around each other. There were seven of them, four of which were trucks, two were minivans, and the last, a tiny red bug car. He waved to catch their attention. "Ay! What planet is this?"

No one answered. Death Bug frowned, and he thought, perhaps they didn't speak Autobot Basic? Well, they wouldn't if they were Decepticons, but he didn't see a symbol on them anywhere, Autobot or 'Con. He lapsed back into Cybertronian Basic, the standard that was spoken on Cybertron. "Yo, what planet's this?"

They didn't answer. Annoyance rose up in Death Bug. "Look, I'm not gonna hurt any of ya. I just need to figga out where I am so I can get off this planet and make my way to Optimus Prime, got it? I'll be outcha yo circuits immediately." When nothing was forthcoming, Death Bug grunted and nudged the little red bug with his foot. "C'mon. What's wrong witcha guys? Stuck in alt mode?"

Huffing again, Death Bug powered up his scanners to find the nearest settlement, and he jerked when his scanners failed to pick up life forms next to him even though there were seven Cybertronians before him.

By Primus—they were all dead!

Death Bug yanked out his gun and whirled around, scanning for potential enemies. His optics flicked back to the seven bots with him. All dead, and nothing to show for it. They looked almost in pristine condition, if a little dirty. It sent shivers in Death Bug's frame, and that was when he picked up a group of life forms ahead of him. A whole pack of them. He gritted his jaw and realized there was no way for him to fight them all off. Scanning the nearest vehicle, Death Bug backed into the trees, hiding as he waited for the natives to show themselves.

Show themselves they did. The natives couldn't have been much more than five or six feet at best, and they were organic. They were making a racket in their native tongue, laden with packs and sweaty in the heat of the day. If Death Bug had to make a guess, they had been out scouting the terrain and had been gone for some time at the state they were in. He watched in fascinated horror as they clicked buttons and opened the husks of Cybertronians, piling their stuff in and—oh Primus, they were climbing INSIDE of them—and then, they drove the dead bodies away like their own personal vehicles.

For a disturbed moment, Death Bug sat in silence before hesitantly stepping back into the road. He transformed, assuming he would be safe like this and blend in until he could figure out what was going on. Taking the road the other cars had taken, Death Bug found the airwaves full of information. He delved into them as he drove, finding out that he was indeed on Earth, the correct planet for rendezvous with Optimus Prime.

Interesting.

Turned out, there WERE no Cybertronians here. The planet was completely organic, and the native life forms were called "humans" and had created cars for better transportation. Eerie how they resembled Cybertronians, but apparently harmless.

A warning flashed about his low energon levels. He vented, sinking on his tires as he approached civilization that night. Where the hell was he supposed to find energon?

Instead of dwelling on it for too long, Death Bug decided to put aside the problem until morning. He ran a red light, causing several blared horns before he found a lot full of cars, and among them were a full line of his alt mode's make. Pulling up next to the line of Volkswagen Beetles, Death Bug parked and powered down almost immediately, body sighing as he settled for a recharge.

* * *

"MOM! Mom, Mom, this one! This one is IT!"

Death Bug jolted awake to a shrill scream, and he felt a hand yanking open his door before he was conscious enough to remember to lock his doors.

He froze when an organic butt plopped down in his front seat. She had fair skin, and her protective shell was soft just like she was; honestly, it offered little protection. A hand grabbed his rear view mirror and he caught sight of brown eyes in almond shaped sockets.

"Are you sure?" another voice asked, thick with a Chinese accent, and another human walked up to him. Death Bug resisted the urge to huff. Clearly, they didn't know he was alive. "You don't want to look around? Look at the other cars? This one?"

"This one!" the female proclaimed with certainty, and Death Bug felt his spark sink.

Uh-oh.

"Okay," the older human said. She turned, talking to the third man. "We take this one."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "We have quite the selection—"

"That one," the woman said again. "We buy that one. Lynn, come with."

"Can't I stay here?" she wheedled. She put her hands on his steering wheel, turning it this way and that. "I want to feel him out, you know? I'll be good, I won't move."

"Fine, fine, you stay put."

Lynn grinned and shut Death Bug's door, and she ran her hands against his steering wheel, squealing with giddy delight in her seat. "First car, my first car! AAGH, AND IT'S SO CUTE!"

Death Bug felt his hackles rise. CUTE? He was FAR from cute! It took all of his restraint not to transform and show her how cute he was, but he kept covert surveillance. There was no telling how the natives would respond to a Cybertronian.

Lynn flipped open her phone, and Death Bug watched as she pressed some buttons and put the device to her ear. It became apparent it was a rudimentary comm. link when she all but shouted into it, "Caroline, I'm getting a Bug car! Haha, no, no punch buggies! Just wait till you see it! It's super cute!"

There she used that "cute" word again like it was something to apply to him. Death Bug grumbled to himself as she prattled on to her friend, sulking because he couldn't get rid of the human without giving himself away. She soon moved from the phone and again began checking him out, getting out and rounding the vehicle. He watched her as she frowned and bent down, rubbing her thumb over the Autobot decal on his front hood. She grinned.

"Cool."

They waited more, and the girl was true to her word and didn't leave him, thereby keeping him sequestered on the lot. He stifled a sound of annoyance. Out of ALL the fragging cars on the lot, she HAD to pick him! Primus certainly had a sense of humor! Twenty other cars that looked exactly like him, and she somehow managed to pick the one sentient robot in them all!

She began to do her brown hair with his rearview mirror, pulling it down from its ponytail and braiding it. The wait seemed insufferably long before the apparent carrier of the human came back. Lynn jumped out of the car, leaving his door ajar.

"So he's mine now? Does this mean I get to drive him home?"

The mother nodded. "Yes, yes, you can drive the car home." She let out another painful screech. If Death Bug hadn't picked up that she was excited, he might have mistaken it for pain. "You drive the car, I drive the van. Straight home. Keep the speed limit."

"Yeah, Mom, I can do it. I've had my license for over a year now."

"We will get your tags this weekend. Get you registered. Then you can drive."

"Yeah, okay. Meet you back home?"

Death Bug felt ice chill his energon tanks. She was going to drive him. She would have full control. He was going to be placing his life in the hands of a human. His vents gave a choking sputter.

This was not going to end well.

* * *

Turns out, she was . . . capable of driving. Death Bug secretly kept their speed steady and periodically moved the wheel when she wasn't paying attention. Which was a lot of the time. She didn't seem to be the brightest sparkplug out there.

The mother left sometime that afternoon, telling her daughter that she'd be back after work. Then, the house became quiet. Death Bug rocked on his wheels. He might be able to get out of there, but the garage door was loud. He wasn't sure if he could sneak past that without alerting the younger human that something was amiss.

But, the choice was taken out of his hands when about ten minutes later Lynn came scampering into the garage, keys in hand. Death Bug internally groaned when she opened the door and tossed her purse into the passenger seat. She was all smiles, hair done up differently for a third time that day, and she fiddled with the mirrors again, saying, "Mom doesn't close up shop until nine, so I can take my NEW CAR out on a joyride until eight!" She squealed, pounding her feet on the floor. She popped a pair of sunglasses on her face and remotely opened the garage door.

Feeling vastly uncomfortable when she stuck her key in his ignition and started his engine, Death Bug had to resort to allowing her to drive him again. "Ahh, to the lake! I can't wait to show the girls in person!"

As she pulled out of the driveway, Death Bug felt a CD stuck into the player. She hummed a tune, skipped several tracks, and then—

VIOLINS.

Death Bug almost jumped at the sudden barrage of instruments, loud and distinct as the Spring movement of Vivaldi came blaring on. He all but cringed at the classical music filling his cabin, and though the ride to the lake was only about fifteen minutes, he was in agony the whole way. Humans had horrible taste in music!

They ended up pulling up to a lake where some gravel met the road, and she parked next to two other cars. Death Bug watched her practically leap from the car, shouting, "Check it out, guys! Isn't it cute?"

He felt his irritation rise to the point of boiling over. To make matters worse, the three girls there immediately joined in with, "It's so little! I bet you can squeeze into any parking spot!" and "It really IS cute! I like the red!" and "SO CUTE. I bet you could put that teeny thing in the back of my truck's bed!" They all laughed at that, piquing Death Bug's annoyance and insulting his manly pride. Ha! Him, little and cute, yeah right . . .

"All right, let's get into the water!"

One girl pointed to her foot which was encased in a cast. "Can't," she said, frowning. "Broke the ankle, remember? I'll sit up here and read my book."

"Aww, come on, Britt! Not even a little? You can just leave that foot out."

Brittany rolled her eyes. "I'll be fine, Sam. I have Harry Potter right here, and that's all the company I'll need."

"You heard her," Lynn said with a grin, sunglasses high on her head. "She'll be fine! She can gawk at my new baby and read Harry Potter. Let's go!"

Death Bug bristled at being called a baby and instead was subject to sitting there as three of the girls left their outer clothes before racing downhill and to the water. The last girl sat in the shadow of the truck, facing him, and Death Bug felt himself rile at being unable to get away. Primus hated him. He really did. Now was the perfect time to get away, but the CRIPPLE had to ruin everything!

So he sat and baked in the sun for hours while the girls screamed in the water and his onlooker continued to read her book. He watched the time slowly tick by—she had said she would need to be back home by eight. And so he waited and waited until finally they had dried using the last of the sunlight and were packing up to leave. Lynn waved to her friends as Samantha tore out of there first, saying she had to get home. Lynn had just finished putting her things back into Death Bug when her hand touched her head.

"Oh, shoot, my sun glasses!"

She waved as her other friends left, leaving them alone. Death Bug watched as she disappeared down the hill. Now or never. Or else he'd be stuck with her forever.

Discreetly starting up his engine and rolling backwards, Death Bug began to leave her, rolling the opposite way down the road. He hadn't even been driving for a minute when he heard her scream in the distance. He almost smiled smugly to himself. Where was your car, girly? Oh, your car drove off. Explain that one to your mom.

He slowed to a halt in the road. He still had her junk in his passenger seat. Okay, maybe he shouldn't be that cruel. Didn't human women carry their identification in their purses? She needed things like that. Snorting to himself, Death Bug turned around for kicks and giggles—besides, he'd like to see the look on a human's face when they saw him transform for the first time. Would she turn different colors? Would she faint? Death Bug snickered to himself.

Only, when he rolled back up to the lake, he didn't see her. He pulled forward, and his optics settled on her sunglasses in the gravel.

Wait a minute.

Transforming, Death Bug's optics scoured the area, taking in immediately the lines in the gravel, jagged, as if someone had been dragged and kicking with a fight. Growling in his chassis about who would pick on a harmless girl, he stalked towards the trees. A vehicle was parked a little ways down, so he went up to it. Empty. Turning up his audio input, he heard muffled screams, the sound of a struggle. He went stomping into the trees, engine growling with anger, and the front lights on his chassis flicked on, high beams glaring.

Instead of just one scream, it was two. One, the familiar screech of the female he had been saddled with, and the other was decidedly male. Death Bug slammed his fist on the ground, making the man shove Lynn away from him, and still screaming, tried to run away. Death Bug backhanded him, sending him flying somewhere through the trees with who knows how many broken bones, and he picked up Lynn, transforming around her.

She plopped in his driver's seat, still shrieking at the top of her lungs. Only now, shirt ripped partially open and somehow missing her swim top, her brown eyes stared in horror around her. Her head whipped around the cabin so much she might have broken her neck, and that wretched, damnably loud, downright UGLY screaming kept wrenching from her throat. So much so that Death Bug was prompted to bark, "Girl, if ya don't stop that screaming I'll dump yo butt out on the road right here."

Her screaming reached a new pitch that made his audios practically bleed. Before he could stop her, SHE had opened up the door and went tumbling out onto the street. He huffed openly when she started running.

"Makin' my life hard," he muttered under his breath before he transformed, grabbed her again, and transformed back down. She fell in his driver's seat again, practically crying she was screaming so much, and he rattled her seat.

"Ay! Calm yo tits and sitcha ass down in this seat. Now, you wantcha glasses or not?"

She finally stopped screaming. Sorta. She heaved in great gasps of terror, fingers gripping his seat tightly as he rolled back up to the gravel next to her sunglasses. He opened the door where they lied on the ground, and finally, she leaned down, snatched them off the ground, and let him close the door on her. "Now. Tell me thank ya for savin' yo sorry ass."

Her vocals strained and wheezed before she got an actual word out. "Th-Thank you."

Death Bug grunted, muttering, "Ungrateful human," before he pulled back out on the road, taking her back to her house. Somehow, he remembered the basics of human traffic laws, stopping at the "red lights" so to speak.

Slowly but surely her breathing began to slow back to a normal rhythm and her rapidly beating heart settled. She curled up in the seat, watched in slight terror and fascination as the wheel turned on its own. "W-What are you?"

"A Cybertronian," he said immediately. "From Cybertron." He paused. "I guess I'm what ya'd call an alien. I'm an Autobot. A transformer. Whatever ya wanna call me."

She stared around her. "Y-You're . . . alive?"

Death Bug snorted. "Naw, I'm dead. Of course I'm alive! Use yo processor! I know ya got one up there!"

Lynn winced before looking around the cabin like she'd never seen it before. Then, her hands grabbed her ruined t-shirt, closing it up so he couldn't see her skin. "Then . . . you're not going to kill me? Or kidnap me?"

Death Bug groaned openly. "Would ya rather I toss ya back out witcha friend back there?"

"Are you black?"

"Hah?"

"Are you black?" she asked again, wiping her face where she had cried. "You—You sound black."

"I don't know what the hell ya talking 'bout. Now I'ma drop yo behind off back atcha house, and I'm out, got it?"

Lynn's eyes widened. "What? You can't! My mom bought you! If you leave, and she bought you, she'll kill me! I'll be grounded forever! I'll never get to go anywhere!"

"Well, sorry kid, that's yo problem, not mine."

"Oh yes it is your problem," she said, sitting up straight as he pulled up in her driveway. She clicked the button, opening the garage for him. He didn't move. "My mom BOUGHT you. That means you're her property."

Death Bug's hackles rose. "I am NOT ya property," he snapped hotly, about to dump her into her driveway. "I ain't no one's property!"

Her knuckles tightened on her shirt. "Not you, your car mode! Your car mode is her property."

"That's still me!" he snarled.

"Well, unless you can materialize a car out of nowhere or get my mom's money back, you have to stay put! Besides, I know you're an alien, right? You can't just run off when I've got your secret."

Death Bug ground his tires into the driveway, engine grumbling angrily. "No one'd believe ya anyways," he finally growled.

"W-Well—" She suddenly jutted her chin up. "It's just too bad your tank is running on empty." Pit. She WAS right about that. "And just what are you going to fuel up on?"

Energon. Provided he could find some. Somewhere. Earth was rich in energon, that's what Optimus' message had said . . . His engine growled, angered that she had caught him. "Fine!" he barked at her, and he pulled into the garage unwillingly.

Lynn nodded, a shaky hand grabbing her things. She got out of him as quick as possible. "S-So, what's your name?"

He sank down sulkily on his wheels. "Death Bug," he finally grumbled.

"That's your name?" When he didn't respond, she got the feeling he was staring at her, so she hurriedly closed the garage door and raced inside the house.

Defeated, Death Bug vented noisily and prepared for a long night in a tiny room.

* * *

He woke up sometime in the night, honestly surprised that he registered her presence. Lynn bolted to his side, curling up near one of his tires. His hackles rose again, honestly freaked out by the sudden affection.

"What?" he barked.

She didn't answer at first, too busy crying. Sweat was on her brow, and her core temperatures were too high. He felt her fingers digging into him. "What?" he repeated again, vocalizer rising in awkward pitch when she wouldn't leave him alone.

She finally turned a glare at him, and her lips trembled. "I don't know," she whispered angrily, "I might have just had a brush with a rapist tonight!"

"But yer fine," he said awkwardly, side view mirrors twitching. "Quit leaking, yer fine."

"Oh, just shut up!" she snapped, actually kicking his tire. She sniffed, chest heaving. "Just shut up."

Death Bug fell silent, listening to her cry on him. She didn't talk about her feelings. She just cried. He didn't know which would be worse, and he had absolutely no idea what to do. He wasn't the warm and cuddly type.

Eventually, her crying died down to sniffles, and eventually the sniffles turned to silence. His mirrors twitched to look at her, and he realized she had dozed off against him. He nudged her with his tire, and her head dropped before she jerked awake.

"Better get upstairs before yo ma find ya," he said gruffly.

Lynn nodded, rubbing her eyes. "Okay. Thanks, Death Bug."

He watched her disappear in the door to the house again, shutting it quietly behind her. After a moment, he released a tight vent and sagged low again.

Well. That went well.


End file.
